Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I hate religious morons

The people at the Daily Mountain Eagle Online seem to feel that this nation is Afghanistan for Christians. They may not know what the word theocracy means, but they sure know whats in the "baaable" - at least they know the parts their preacher tol' 'em to tawk 'bout.
My first question is, do these people not read the Bible? Have they forgotten Sodom and Gomorrah? At what point do they think the Lord changed His mind about the sin of homosexuality?

My first question is, have these people read the First Amendment? Have they forgotten the establishment clause in the Constitution? in Jefferson's own words, it creates a "wall of separation between Church and State".

Now, I have nothing against Christians. I was raised one and many of my friends are Christians. I do have a problem, though, with people that think that this nation's laws should be based upon their Christian beliefs. Evolution is "just a theory" - cause the baaaable says that the world was created in 7 days. "Under God" needs to be a part of the pledge - even though Francis Bellamy never included those words when he wrote the pledge ( they were included in 1954 ). "in God we Trust" is the naitonal motto - even though that was not added until the 1800s. Gay people are an abomination - it says so in the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaable. Fucking tools.

The bible also says that you can take your kid to the city gates and kill him if he is impertinent. The bible says that the stars can fall from the sky. The bible says that a guy was swallowed by a whale for pissing off an angry God - who we later find out loves us all ( How an infallible diety can change his mind is beyind me. Either he is consistent or his is not infallible). The bible says that a flood covered the whole world, that the human race arose from 2 people, and that language arose from God being pissed off about a tower. The bible is full of magic and powers - it is almost a Tolkien novel (Tolkien was much more consistent ) - but these people think it is the be all end all source of truth.

Hell, I might as well go along with them. Praise the Lord and Pass the ammunition - Ima goin Christian. As a good Christian, though, I think we need a few more amendments to add to the Constitution to make it Baaaaaaaable accurate. Here are my additions:

  1. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man
    and as many women as you'd like. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

  2. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to
    his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

  3. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the
    wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

  4. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be
    forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

  5. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the
    constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed
    to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

  6. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the
    widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not
    give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished
    in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

  7. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is
    required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had
    previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming
    with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are
    female. (Gen 19:31-36)

With these amendments, we are gauranteeing that our sky buddy will protect us from all the evil Muslims, Communists, and - worst of all - LIBERALS!!!! Praise Bu... er... Jesus.

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